Ten years, aho umwana arira nyina ntiyumve

This new blog is dedicated to my younger self and you, who will read my stories and smile; to you, who will read and wonder or ponder over your own story—this is yours too. Here, I will share two to three things: a lesson learned, an anecdote, and an accomplishment for each year since 2014. I hope you have a good read.

2014 – Amahanga

The year marked a significant change in my life as I stayed with a host family for the first time; they quickly became my second home away from home. As they welcomed me into their lives, I carried a lot of fear and preconceived ideas about my new life. We often hear or witness stories of people being treated in various ways by their hosts. Fortunately, I was blessed to stay with a loving family where, for once, I was the big sister—cared for and guided truly.

When in doubt, I like to remind myself that immigrating alone as a teenager is a success story in itself. Also, managing to be admitted to a university and study in a language that even our colonizers did not speak is often underestimated. But, I will not take all the credit because I owe a lot to the two beautiful souls I was blessed to travel with for the very first time. They took me under their wings until our ways separated (Mama F 🕊️).

In 2014, I learned that there are no such things as couple goals. I powerlessly witnessed my favorite couple break up, and it broke my young heart. It's safe to say that the first year was rough!

2015 – Karakura

This was an interesting year; some days were harder than others. I had moved out of the family home, which meant I had to fully take care of myself. To be honest, I failed that adult life more often than not, but I kept showing up for myself - I had to.

One thing I am proud of and very grateful for is that I never stopped believing in God. As mundane as that may sound to some, it was a big deal for me at the time. This doesn't mean I never doubted God or criticized the Church, but in my defense, my understanding of biblical theology was very weak back then. Coming from a Christian community and family, I knew I was a believer. However, on campus, because of the language barrier and the lack of solid biblical understanding, I wasn't as articulate as other students who didn't share my faith. I was intimidated. Also living in a big city and pursuing a postmodern interdisciplinary program while attending a church on Sunday that seemed very disconnected from my Monday through Friday reality was extremely challenging. But God…

My life mainly consisted of school, but I also worked in the evenings, and this lifestyle was new to me. However, what was even newer were the rules around writing academic papers. I remember a day in particular, at the end of a lab, when a teaching assistant told me that I was potentially going to be sued by the university for plagiarism. I was in complete shock and, of course, scared. Thankfully, that TA was kind enough to understand where I was coming from, and he let me redo my paper. He encouraged me to visit the university’s writing centre which I only did once because the work-school balance was a struggle. But I learned that plagiarism was a thing the hard way.

2016 – Buzoca

After more than two years, I finally got to see some of my family members again, and one of my sisters moved to town. Meanwhile, I found myself happily single again, a journey that took longer than I anticipated. Thanks to journaling and a lot of prayers, I made it through to the other side of the mountain. Because sometimes, it truly feels insurmountable.

If I could talk to my younger self, I would say: “I know it's hard right now, but I promise you it will get better. You're stronger than you think and one day, hopefully, you will look back and laugh at those hard days – hang in there Ncuti. The idea of dating someone who should be your first and last relationship is probably unrealistic and certainly unbiblical. Yes, you can date intentionally but remember that "tying the knot" is not the ultimate goal. Instead, view it as a potential destination on your dating journey. When you set off on a journey, there is a route, you can take turns. Sometimes you will enjoy the ride other times you won't. If you find yourself not enjoying the ride, it's okay to pause midway, re-evaluate and perhaps reroute and start over.”

In 2016, I began sharing my writings with the world and I often asked for feedback which I got - the least constructive criticism anyone could get. It took me almost two years to feel confident enough to share my writings again. Seeking feedback wasn't a bad idea, but I was hoping for approval from someone who didn't know me and didn't care about how their feedback was delivered. I knew I was nowhere near that person creatively, but I needed constructive criticism more than anything. I've learned and still am learning, never to allow feedback to set me back from achieving my goals in life.

2017 – Ntezimana

The year started uncannily. I never saw it coming but I was disappointed by a family friend. Luckily, I was comforted by family and protected by God. Statistics Canada says that more than half of the sexual assaults against adults and youth are committed by friends and acquaintances. Here a note to self would be “You and yours are never too safe. Befriend trustworthy people, do not assume peoples’ intentions - test them.” Be diligent, be wise as serpents, and innocent as doves.[1]

People who know me know that I am not a great dancer, but I do enjoy dancing occasionally. So, 2017 is the year I managed to have a social life outside of school, work, and church. I joined a Burundian cultural dance group. My first savings account was created thanks to Rama Club and a discussion on financial education. For the record, nothing was saved that year, but I did learn the basics of financial literacy.

One of my sisters got married towards the end of that year and thanks to my generous brother, I was able to see my long-time friend and rival's marriage. Seeing her and our family again, doing her makeup again, and celebrating together was both beautiful and emotional. The highlight of that year, however, was that I got to meet my Yves for the first time in many years. He asked me out, and I said no!

2018 – Nzomukunda

The year started smoothly. My university went on strike for almost 4 months (yes, universities in Canada do go on strike), which gave me ample time to write and put a few things into perspective. Most importantly, I was able to rest. I could be wrong, but in 2018, I came to understand that I'm not shy, but I realized that I am an introverted person. I started to take better care of myself, and by that point, I had been on a strictly vegetarian diet for almost 2 years.

Remember the guy who asked me out in December 2017? Well, we started dating long-distance. Besides moving to Canada and the choice of my university program, that relationship was the biggest challenge I had taken on. I may not have known how hard it was going to be, but I was certain I had made the sweetest decision.

2019 – Nibitanga

June 14 was my graduation ceremony. I could not wait for that day. Working part-time plus the sleepless nights studying while trying to live on a limited budget, had been my life for 5 years. I was so done! I was very proud of myself, but God knew I could not have done it alone, without the support of my family and friends - from my uncle who often reviewed my paper to Yves who held me down.

In 2019, my spiritual life dwindled. Honestly, I was low-key mad at God even though I did not let it show on the outside. I had stopped believing God could hear me in prayer or speak through his word (the Bible). I was grieving, forgetting that God is sovereign and losing sight of the promise that “He will swallow up death forever, wipe away tears from all faces, and take away the disgrace of His people from all the earth; For the LORD has spoken”.[2]

2019 was also the year I searched for a job, an internship, and even a volunteer opportunity in my field, but I couldn't secure anything. I was frustrated and resolved to start looking for jobs abroad. I even went through interviews with one global organization which eventually ended in a decline email. Little did I know that I would one day be the one conducting interviews and sometimes even extending job offers. Sigh!

In October, I attended a job fair and shared my resume with as many companies and hiring firms as possible. Thankfully, I secured a job that had absolutely nothing to do with what I had spent almost 5 years (and many coin$) learning in school. That two-month contract opened doors to a career I did not know existed then but one that I enjoy today. May we never despise humble beginnings.

2020 – Ncuti

The year started well. Remember the relationship I committed to in 2018? Well, we were rocking our second year and I was looking forward to finally celebrating our anniversary together. However, Covid hit!

During the Summer of 2020, I moved in with friends. My soul and heart were delighted. Coming from a big family, I finally had a village again. Undoubtedly, those few months spent in that house helped me envision my life around other people again. I got to cook with and for others, had my thoughts and habits challenged, and enjoyed shared meals and laughs.

2021 – Mukunzi

In 2021, the long-distance journey I was on ended with a marriage in Burundi. I wish I could say that it was a dream come true, but as someone who never really thought I would get married one day, it felt like a dream beginning. Like, how did our families trust two lastborns to start their own family, lol? The long-distance relationship wasn't easy, but it was worth all the long nights and early calls.

I want to take this opportunity to thank each person who supported us before, during, and after our wedding day. We have seen people’s generosity—from family to family friends, from dear friends to best friends, from colleagues to prayer partners. A special shout-out goes to a beautiful soul whom we have yet to meet; I know she will read this and might even help edit it (you touched my heart). Another special shoutout to siblings who surprised us with a honeymoon gift, and the beautiful staycation gifted by my Torontonian girls. You were too kind!

A lot happened that year, but I have learned that God kept showing up even when I was ignoring Him. It took me almost 2 years to realize that I was mad at my savior, and the journey to restoration began.

I didn't mention it, but what was supposed to be a 7-week stay turned into 2 years. I eventually quit my job, shipped their equipment back to Toronto, and started a new job in my home country. To my younger self, I would say that I am very proud of her. Again, you made a decision not knowing how difficult it would be, but you were certain it was the best decision. Most people wouldn't know how much of a pay cut you took, but unknowingly, that turned out to be one of the best career investments you have made.

2022 - Muhira

The year began smoothly, but life took its course. A year into the new job, I felt stagnant and realized that there were not enough growth opportunities. So, I started job-hunting again. At this point, you might be asking yourself if I ever knew what I wanted to do. To be honest, I didn't, but I was certain about what I didn't want to do.

After several interviews and receiving declined emails, I finally received an offer. I only applied for this position because one of my sisters, knowing that I had already quit my previous job, sent me a link from an organization I had never heard of before. She insisted that I apply, so I did it from my phone just to make her happy. I was feeling discouraged at that point. But again... God!

Here's a note to self: "You don't need to have answers to every question. Trust your gut instincts more often and seek advice from trusted people. God works through them."

2023 - Remesha

New Year! New challenge! The year started with us relocating again. At this point, we have lived and moved to multiple cities and houses. We wanted to have some stability. We moved to this new city, started life steadily - slowly furnished our little new home and surely endured the winter.

Taking this opportunity to thank our dear friends, the Ganzas! From prayers to precious time spent searching and visiting houses for us, we owe you a lot. God bless you!

In 2023, I realized that I needed to make peace with the fact that I might never get to use all the technical skills acquired during university. However, the connections and skills gained along the way—from writing academic papers and group presentations to part-time jobs and extracurricular activities—have been valuable and will hopefully carry me in the future.

2024 – Irakoze

As this year unfolds, I cannot help but look back and see what the Lord has done. God has been gracious and merciful, present where nobody could be, and He remains present even on my worst days. He will surely keep me and you along the way – He is kind, gracious, merciful, holy, and eternal!

Aho hose umwana yarize nyina ntiyumve, God did.[3] 

N’ijwi ryuzuye urukundo,

Irakoze

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[1] Matthew 10:16

[2] Isaiah 25:8

[3] "where a child cries and the mother can’t hear"

Pic credit: Sunflower